Today was a rough day for Sophia. I'm sitting here crying and I'm not sure if it's from exhaustion or simply from the day we had. After Sophia's feeds her oxygen level goes up and down but today was awful. The culprit is reflux and today was terrible. Usually she stays between 99 and 78 on oxygen level but today she kept dipping down into the 50's. She's able to go back up on her own without needing oxygen but just the fact that it keeps happening is hard to handle. At one point she was really fussy and ended up refluxing thru her nose. She cried for an hour afterwards and we kept having to suction her nose. I just sat there and held her, kissed her, talked to her, and tried to hold in the tears. Tonight after she nursed I put her back in the incubator and for 10 minutes non stop her oxygen level kept going up and down and the monitors kept going off. The nurse didnt even come look at her!!!! Finally I asked her to page the on call doctor AGAIN. The day shift nurse paged the on call doc at 6:30 and they never called back. Anyhow, the doctor came over and I was almost in tears and was a litte rude to her but I'm just so frustrated and tired of hearing them say they will just "watch her." What the hell does that mean? How long will they let this go on?? ACID REFLUX HURTS!!!!!! So basically she cant do anything because she not the doctor that over see's Sophia's care but she wrote a note in the chart and will talk to them when they come in on Monday.

I've been at the hospital 24 hours a day since Thursday morning and I just cant leave her. I'm exhausted. My breast hurt. My incision still hurts a little. I hardly eat anything most days. I miss my husband, I miss my other kids, I cant seem to get this spoiled milk smell off me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...............................................